My emotions are turning so rapidly right now that I don’t have time to truly process effectively what my daughters and I experienced this afternoon.
But I’m going to process as I quickly type this out, so bear with me.
I ask for your prayers that there will be no long term affect on either of my daughters’ precious memories.

Tuesdays are our very hectic “on the go” days. Today we happened to have a few minutes to burn before we needed to pick up my sons.
Of course, when that occurs, I typically head straight for Good Will,
but I decided to pop into Big Lots first.
As we entered the parking lot, I noticed a few people mulling around right in the middle of the parking spots, and a police car stalled.
Being the nosy shopper that I am, I slowed down to see what “accident” had occurred. Quite often, cars in this lot cut through the aisles, and I just assumed a fender bender had taken place.
All of a sudden, feet from our car, I noticed a man on the ground.
A man not moving…in fact, no one was moving.
Why wasn’t any one helping him?
Every one was just standing there chit chatting.
And then I noticed it…a small piece of cloth covering his face.

Before it was too late, I realized that my girls were taking in every aspect of the situation.
I couldn’t believe what I thought I was seeing – surely I was mistaken.
As I entered Big Lots, I asked if there had been an accident.
With absolutely no warning, nor any thought to the fact that I had two small children with me, the cashier announced that the guy had blown himself away. Killed himself….just minutes before.

I couldn’t believe that she had just announced that to my girls.
The Lord opened up a situation for me to have some conversations today that I didn’t choose to have.
I didn’t want to explain that some people kill themselves when they feel they have no hope.
I didn’t want to have to answer my nine year old when she asked what suicide meant.
I didn’t want to have to pray with my girls for that poor family who now has no husband, son, father, brother….
I didn’t want to have to explain that my daughter’s feeling of the family being really mad at him for taking his life was probably a natural reaction.
I didn’t want to answer her question of “why, mommy….did he not know Jesus?”

I don’t want to have the picture of this man lying on the ground….but I do.

And you know what, I did have to have these conversations.
Because it happened, and sometimes life just doesn’t seem fair.
Nor do we understand why people choose to do things.
And I can’t begin to explain how can life feel so utterly empty that death is your only option?

I wish I had known that man.
I wish I had entered that parking lot minutes earlier.
I wish I knew his family.
I wish I could have offered the hope that only Jesus can give….that only He can heal.
But I didn’t.
And now I go to bed knowing that somewhere a family is grieving.
They are sharing a grief so deep, a betrayal that can not be explained away.
And I will go to bed snuggled up with those precious girls who also carry a burden of a dead man in a parking lot.
But their burden will quickly go away.
They will be snuggled, and held, and comforted with the words of affirmation that they know a forever kind of love.
A love that knows no limits, and everyday I will remind them of that love.
The love that only God can give…unconditionally.

This man….will never know that.
I commit on this day, February 17, that I will share that love with strangers unaware.
Please, Lord, bring me into contact with people who feel that there is no other choice.
There is!

And for those of you new to my blog…ugh…what an entrance…tomorrow back to the beauty and definitely not this kind of bedlam.