I remember it like it was yesterday.
It was the spring semester of my second year of college. Finally, that awkward freshman phase passed, and new enthusiasm spurred dreams of college life, friendships, and that life changing awareness when you finally find those things you are passionate about.
This phone conversation began no different than the many others I shared with my mom, yet she concluded with “I don’t think you can go back next year. We just don’t have the money.” For a few years, my precious parents dueled in what ultimately proved to be the financial battle of their lives. As it neared the end, with resources depleted, yet heart and soul intact, it became clear that the tuition at the private liberal arts university that I attended in Indiana was too significant to continue paying.
My stomach dropped. I lost all breath. I felt my first real loss – the loss of a dream.
At that moment, I couldn’t see myself at any other school. My passions and dreams only seemed achievable if I could stay at that location. In short, I wasn’t dreaming big enough.
Already working for admissions as a tour guide, I picked up additional hours as a waitress. That summer, my parents moved from WI to NC, a life changing move to a location where I knew not a soul, so I chose to stay in my hometown of Milwaukee where I knew I could work multiple jobs throughout the summer to try and scrape together enough tuition to return. After having met with the VP of the school, he moved mountains to find more loans for me (i.e. large debt), but I still needed to find significant cash for the fall semester. I waitress-ed long hours at a casual restaurant during the day, with any free hours spent as a receptionist in a hair salon. Just when I thought I couldn’t squeeze in another hour of work, I would head evenings to waitress at a fine dining establishment, where tables were sparse, but tips were great.
Money was not going to stand in the way of my dream.
Although I am can say I worked, worked harder, and then worked again for the next three years to put my way through school, graduating with such a significant amount of debt that I laugh at the nicely accepted American term of “school loans,” I know I would do thing differently.
Years later, with new knowledge, perspective, hind sight, I realized that my dream could have been achieved in any number of ways. It would not have been a loss of a dream, it would have been re-routed, yet quite possibly even better, without such long years of paying loans back. Although my college experience was incredible, my dream was tied to a “thing, a name, a specific school.” In those moments, I didn’t even brainstorm alternative options because it didn’t seem as if I had any.
I did.
What those years taught me was to broaden my dreams. Sometimes the loss of a dream opens up a whole new way of thinking to dreaming even bigger dreams. By being a visionary and thinking big, we allow ourselves to get creative with the resources we have, and not demand large resources we don’t have. (Now, this is not a knock on a college education. All our children will be encouraged to go to college, with our boys most likely desiring advanced degrees. I will address this financial topic later in the month.)
I don’t want money to stand in the way of my dreams, but I am also realistic. Understanding that by applying creative juices to a situation when it seems as if money is the only way, may open you up to a whole new realm of amazing situations.
Sometimes we are called to wait on a dream. I wrote about Setting financial goals, and asked What Dream are you Saving For?
I shared my front porch story and how that dream has saved our financial future more times than once. It’s still a dream of mine, but since it’s a “thing,” and my worth is not tied to my stuff, I am ok with waiting.
Some day though…
I have lots of dreams. Some are coming to fruition on a daily basis as I live my life as a wife, mother, friend etc. Others, are slowly simmering, waiting for just the right time to boil and others I can see in the distance. It’s not quite the time yet. The bank account says to wait, but as I keep saving and dreaming, it will make the realization of those dreams even sweeter.
So what about you?
Are there dreams you have but you aren’t quite sure of how to realize them?
Is there a dream you are “saving” for or possibly something you want to do, but not quite sure how to start?
Share them in the comments. I’ve found sometimes it’s amazing to just start naming them. We’re going to talk about women and entrepreneurship later in the month. Maybe somehow that will spark some new ideas for your dream.
If you’ve missed out on the first posts of Balancing Beauty and the Budget, read them here.
We are saving to redo our kitchen very much needed. It’s going to be a slow process as we can only save a small about each month. But in the end it will be done oweing no one.
Oh, man! I HEAR you about the college.
I was arrogant. Only a GOOD school would be right for me. When my mother suggested 2 years of community college, then transfer, I rejected the idea outright.
As a result, NO college. I joined the military, so I could earn the G.I. Bill.
Eventually, I did get a degree. No loans either. But, I gave up 4 years to qualify for the G.I. Bill.
Now, my kids are coming close to college age. And I’m directing them toward our local college, where tuition won’t break us.
After all, if they want a ‘GOOD’ school, there’s plenty of time for that as a grad student. And, if their track record is good, maybe they’ll even get funding.
My dream is to be happy with what I have, not to be constantly looking for something else bigger or better. I hope to someday be there. Not sure how to do it though.
Thank you for sharing your story about student loans. We also have a significant amount of student loan debt: my husband went to college out-of-state for a number of years. In hindsight, he realizes he could have gotten the same education in-state for a much reduced cost.
My dreams include paying off all remaining debt we have, eventually buying a house, and having the ability to do work because we want to, not because we need a paycheck.
My, and my husband’s dream is to get into or renovate our house so that we finally have a finished house with no more renovations! We want to finally start enjoying vacations, as vacation! We have met with a real estate agent, and are working on some inexpensive updates to our home to make it more sale worthy, and who knows, we just may fall in love with that which we already have! We are also following the Dave Ramsey, Financial Freedom program as we trudge through.
At this point, my dream is just to be able to take a family vacation once a year. We haven’t done that in so long! Of course, it goes along with all the other smaller dreams of tiling my kitchen, painting my dining room, hall, and bedroom, finishing the front porch stuff, etc.
I hear you, friend.
We have finally started with small vacations, including our “no spend”vacations, but they are SO worth it.
I dream of being able to quit my job and do one of two things (or both!): open my own small bookstore with a bakery inside and to be able to finally write a book. The bookstore will require massive small business loans and lot of struggling to make it work so I know that I need a good nest egg to help get me through the first few (rough) years.
I write now, but between working and trying to live a normal life, I find myself struggling to find time to write consistently. Being able to quit my job, or at least work part time would really help that but that would mean a huge loss of income if I don’t have enough saved.
You are SO wise, to develop that nest egg before you open your business. Being an entrepreneur is a gift, but it comes with much risk, so saving before you take the plunge is just plain smart.
I struggled to pay my way through 4 years of a private liberal arts college. My family was country dirt poor but I was fortunate enough that I got some small scholarships and a huge financial aid package. Other expenses I paid for with earnings from a work study program. I also interned for the admissions office, worked at the college radio station and worked for the campus newspaper. During summers, I subbed at two daycare centers in between my TV station internship.
When I graduated in 1991, I worked two part-time jobs (one at daycare and one for a non-profit) because I couldn’t find a full-time job in my field at the time. Then, I moved out of state and tried marketing and PR instead of journalism. I had some very rewarding career experiences, a nice comfortable salary and a fancy house.
Fast forward 20 years and I’m no longer in the career that I spent countless days and hours preparing and dreaming for. I now work part-time outside of home making minimum wage in what else … childcare. We moved back to our home state and live in a much smaller and modest house. Luckily, we paid off my student loans before our three boys were born. And we just recently paid off most of our credit card debt! 🙂
I dream one day of switching gears again and becoming a school librarian. But for now I’m too chicken to make yet another change. So we trudge along living paycheck to paycheck with enough money to survive on a daily basis, but never any extra for luxuries such as vacations or fixing up our house. Do I have regrets? Sometimes. But my boys have told me many times that they love that I am home after school and summers with them (they come to my work in summer). So if they are happy, then I’m happy. So maybe when the two younger ones are in middle school in two more years I can again follow a new dream.
We sound like we had such similar experiences, except I had the rewarding career, minus the salary.
I began school assuming I would be a TV anchor. When I found my passion included just helping teens, I switched to a major that would never have me making more in a year than just one semester of my college tuition. True story. So, literally, my four years of education cost me more than I EVER made in a salary with all my years of working together. hahah
@Jen,
Yes, we do sound like we have similar backgrounds. 🙂
My first real “career” salary barely covered a year’s tuition at my college. One of my stints was working for a non-profit which definitely didn’t pay a lot. But I got a ton of experience that helped me land a better paying job later on. I tell the young college kids I work with that they have to start at the bottom to make it to the top. They shouldn’t be afraid to take a low-paying job in their field right out of college because it’s experience and passion that counts. Even if they have to still live at home for awhile and work another job to make ends meet. Eventually, their hard work and patience will pay off. Plus, it builds character. 😉
My dream is to be a stay at home mom! I have substantial student loan debt (private Christian university), but it’s the only debt (besides the house) that we have and we are in the process of paying off as much as we can as fast as we can. I have a little less than two years before I’m fully vested in my employer’s retirement plan, so we’re using this time to pay off debt and my husband is going to school to get his business degree in an effort to get a better job so I CAN stay home!
I get impatient at times because God has put this dream and purpose in my heart, it’s just that now is not the time. I know that two years will fly by and our bigger family and my time and home will be so worth the wait!! I try to remember to be thankful for what I do have, including a great job when so many people are struggling to find work, and I need to appreciate this time I get alone with my husband.
Dana – I love your dream and know that soon, it will come to fruition. I love that you have a plan in place to make it happen. You go, my friend!
Thank you for this post. I did not have student loan debt but my husband and I have just been through the ringer with a rental business that we started 6 years ago. It’s going to end this week with bankruptcy but we are not without hope. We have started using Dave Ramsey’s money management system and have been able to put a working budget in place. We have never lived beyond our means except to finance the business but beyond your means is still beyond your means. We’ve been through a very tough 3 years but we have a different perspective, lots of compassion for people going through similar circumstances and a heart to give.
We are saving to finish our kitchen that we nearly gutted 3 years ago but could never finish because all the money went to the business. We are saving to replace our 2 cars that are 11 and 13 years old. We are saving to enjoy our first vacation in 5 years. We are saving to ensure a stable and prosperous future.
Oh Cherise – I know how painful bankruptcy can be, but I am so encouraged to hear that you already have a plan in place with Dave Ramsey. We were in nearly the same spot as you, having co-signed a business loan for a business and losing everything. We didn’t have to declare bankruptcy but we lost nearly everything and have slowly built back after that devastation.
As hard as it is right now, I know you will be able to look back, like we have and have an amazing story to tell. )Although, I know that doesn’t help much right now.)
Thanks for sharing.
“Sometimes the loss of a dream opens up a whole new way of thinking to dreaming even bigger dreams.”
So true!! Loved reading your testimony.
We have 3 more years of monthly payments before we’ve finished paying for our share of our daughter’s college loans. My dream is to take more college classes after I turn 60. I recently discovered that Virginia public colleges offer classes for no credit to seniors. I can’t wait. (My children don’t understand my desire to be a lifelong learner. I have 2 degrees but an additional endorsement – but I always wanted my Ph. D.)
I don’t (and never will) understand why so many people turn up their noses at community college. I went to CC for two years, transferred to UNCC & graduated w/ my B.S., got a job and then my job paid for my MBA (grand total of less than $6,000 in the late 80’s). We told our son that we would paid for two years at the community college and two years at an in state university. He turned his nose up at community college but decided to take CC classes while in high school. This worked out for the best b/c his classes at the CC were totally free while he was in HS. He finished HS w/ an AA degree and all his credits transferred to NC State. This has saved us a ton of money. My friend’s son is going to Wake Forest – which is an excellent school btw. He is going to be teacher (not that there is anything wrong w/ that BUT) his education is going to cost over $225,000 for him to get a job making $23,000. Don’t even get me started on my friend who spent over $200,000 for his daughter to get a degree in dance/acting and she can’t even find a job…..
@Natalie in NC,
My hubby went to a CC and makes a good salary for just having a two year business degree. Of course, the salary doesn’t seem like much when you have a family of five to support. But he makes as much money today as I did when I left my career 6 years ago and I have a 4 year degree! He has worked hard to get where he is and has not let a 2 year degree hold him back. I’m so proud of him!
I think it really depends on what career path you choose that really determines if a CC is the best choice for you. Back when I was in high school, CC was where all the kids went that didn’t have good enough grades for 4-year schools. Today, that is not the case. CCs have come a long way since the late 80s/early 90s.
HAHA – yes, that would get me riled, for sure.
The option of community colleges now a days is AMAZING! We are choosing it as a path for our kids while in high school and most likely, having them then transfer like you did, to another school – saving SO much money!
Our “dream” right now is to close on our house. We are camping in 2 borrowed campers while we wait – we are hoping it is only a few weeks.
Jen, if you guys haven’t read Debt Free U by Zac Bissonnette, I’d highly recommend it. I read it last summer and my 2 oldest boys are reading it now. My oldest is a Sr. and is taking a couple of college classes while he finishes up his high school and my second son is a Sophomore. Since we homeschool we have to pay for the college classes, but he did get some financial aid to help cover most of the expenses. Zac has some very interesting statistics about the value of an Ivy League education in the years following graduation. All of his advice is not for everyone, but we found it very helpful.
Yes, I’ve read it. It’s great, and since I’ve had many nieces and nephews that have gone before my kids, we’re ahead of most on understanding. I wish I had known then what I know now. 🙂 But actually when I graduated, there was more emphasis on a college degree, where as now it’s all about the Masters.
In Florida , we no longer have community colleges. They are now “state colleges” that offer 4 yr degrees at community college tuitions! Maybe more states will follow. On a side note, we are doing Florida prepaid college for our daughter. We are locked in at the tuition rate from the tear she was born (we chose the 4 year stare university plan. The most expensive, but covers our backs wherever she chides to go. They will reimburse us if she chides to go to a state “college” instead of university, and/or if she gets a scholarship, so win-win.). We pay a small monthly payment (tuition has already double in the 4 short years since we’ve signed up), and all of her tuition and fees will be payed for when she graduates.
My dream is to be debt free (school loans!) first and foremost. That will reduce my monthly output so that I can make my living writing full time. I also dream of owning my own little home with a bit of garden so I can grow some herbs and veggies. And, of course, travelling more. Exploring God’s earth is my passion.
Wow, great post. First, I want to say thank you to you and the other gals for hosting the 31 days series. I’m having such a great time with it (a.k.a., 31 days to a more creative life). Thank you.
I thoroughly enjoyed your post and a part of it spoke to me. My hubby and I are currently pushing through the biggest financial challenge of our life and as a result have had to make some really hard decisions. One big change… we moved from our home of 8 years to a “much older and smaller home (1/2 the size)” with a list of repairs over a mile long – all to keep a roof over our head. But all is great. Once I opened my mind to the possibility of living a different life, I began to see the possibilities. We could have a GREAT garden that we couldn’t have had in the other house – a garden that would allow us to sustain ourselves with healthy fresh produce. The list of “positives” go on.
With all the work to do on the house and like you, our bank account says we have to take things slowly and wait on a lot of things, I am happy where we are in life… I’d still really like to have a real kitchen sink instead of a plastic utility sink though 🙂
My dream is to own a house. Though the market is right – our finances are not at this time.
My husband and I both screwed up our credit right after we each turned 20 (before we even met) by using credit to buy things we could afford at the time. Then after we got married and had children we couldn’t afford to make payments on the things we had bought. Hind sight is 20/20, because they were also things I didn’t need. I thought I needed the best and newest furniture, furnishings, clothes. Really all I needed was to use my DIY nature to turn trash to treasure! I have such a passion for home decor that I could have made creative one of a kind peices the whole time. Now I am a serious DIYer and have the ‘I can do that myself’ attitude towards just about anything. Hopefully we can get our finances in order and buy our house someday soon!
My dream is just to have the option to be a stay at home mom and fulfill my life as a full time photographer. We are currently trying to get pregnant, but one of my biggest fears is what will happen once I have a baby. My husband works in ministry so the pay is low. There’s no way we could live off of his salary. So my biggest struggle through the years is not necessarily that I want to be a full time stay at home mom, I just would like the option to.
So we have just implemented a new budget that will hopefully have us living off of much less and saving a lot more.
This is an extremely valid point, one that both I and many of my friends debated, but you do have to admit there are certain limitations to a cc vs. a highly rated 4-year. If you make the transfer, then all the power to you. However, from my experiences at a 4-year school with a competitive business major, all of my friends who entered the business program from a cc ended up scrambling and being completely unprepared for internship recruiting as juniors. They were still adjusting to the new school and environment away from home, while everyone who had been around already knew the drill and had early awareness of the recruiting timeline. Thus, my cc friends are now working far lower paying jobs on average than the non-cc people. Not everyone of course, but it definitely set them at a huge disadvantage. Even worse, most of them ended up taking an extra semester or year to catch up, which slightly negated the whole money-saving side (especially as tuition climbs so much year over year)
Additionally, it can be very hard to transition into a top program from a cc. My school has about a 50% acceptance into the business program for students who entered as freshman (i.e. 4 year students) but only about 5% for those coming from outside, including cc transfers.
It saves some in the present, but you have to consider just what your future career goals are and how they may be impacted by the choice to go for a local 2-year. Saving the few thousand may be great now, but could have an opportunity cost in the hundreds of thousands (and result in your own dissatisfaction at not being able to work where you want) if you lose out on a competitive job because of it. The best option I can think of is to go straight to an in-state 4-year program, which is what I did and which I have no regrets. And finally, top 4-year private schools generally have extremely generous financial aid programs. Try this calculator from Stanford: http://www.stanford.edu/dept/finaid/undergrad/how/calculator/input.html
Essentially, a family that makes under 70,000 a year only needs to pay about $1,000 for tuition (ticket price of $55,000)! Most of the Ivies are similarly generous. So encouraging your kids to aim for just attending a cc makes absolutely no sense on a cost basis. Yes, it will probably still cost more than a cc, but the opportunities and experiences they’ll have will be a world apart.
I love your blog, but I find this statement in your post really offensive: “All our children will be encouraged to go to college, with our boys most likely desiring advanced degrees.”
First of all, I think it’s really presumptuous of you to assume that you know that your sons will want to pursue advanced degrees. They may not even want to go to college. What will you do then?
Secondly, I find it extremely sexist that you think your sons will desire advanced degrees, but not your daughter(s).
Thanks for letting me know how you feel, so that I can expand on a sentence. That statement is based on the fact that all three of our sons are all in high school and have already mentioned that desire, but I understand how without that fact, it may seem presumptuous. Our girls are 8 and 12, so far from even contemplating that decision.
Of course, if they don’t want to go to college, that is completely their choice, but definitely do encourage them to go. Right now, we encourage them to pursue a love of learning and what ever that environment is that they can do that best is fine for us.
But, in our opinion, we feel at least pursing advanced learning, whether college classes at home, online options, community college is the best choice, since they want to go into business.
Remember, it’s always hard to determine a heart attitude or the full story from just one sentence, but I do always appreciate being able to clarify, so thanks for mentioning that it bothered you.
Thanks for clarifying, Jen. That makes sense!