Stowed away in the attic for decades, dust floats from the diary that I kept from ages 14-18. Paging through memories of old, I’m instantly transported.
Transported to pivotal successes that were so quickly forgotten, while years of insecurity surface in a heartbeat.
The diary leers, ” I need to lose weight and stop snacking. I need to get more organized for class. I need to talk softer (the whole gentle and quiet spirit thing).”
That list was the bane of my existence for years.
It’s this time of the year, as I browse through blogland, that the enemy woes me with his subtle whisper. The scars that he etched years ago jeer, “You don’t measure up.”
I see others perfectly scripted resolutions, and I remember the lies. I can do it all, I can balance it all, I can meet all needs. For years I’ve tried with best intentions, packed full of self determination, self effort and have been defeated.
But this year I am rebelling. I am rebelling from the notion that I can do it all.
I can’t, I won’t, and I will never meet every one’s expectations, including my own…
But HE can.
As women, our self appointed crowns of “perfection” tarnish and forget to remind us that if we are perfect, there’s no need for a Savior.
This year I am rebelling from the notion that I start anew January 1st.
I don’t want to make New Year’s Resolutions. I want to live Life to its fullest, not having regrets in December, but reevaluating and reworking goals throughout the year.
Understanding that my greatest strengths are also my greatest weaknesses, I’m welcoming this fact, rather than fighting it. Think back on my diary.
That same girl who was never organized for class, is the same woman who who still struggles with cluttered areas throughout her house, yet embraces hospitality by opening her home (even when boxes are stacked in the corner).
That same girl who was always in trouble for talking in class is now a woman used by the Lord to encourage women through the spoken Word.
That same girl who toiled with weight is now a woman who has lost 40 pounds, kind of kept it off (it’s iffy here and there), been freed from that stronghold (for the most part), yet still eats her favorite french fries.
That same girl is a woman who still really struggles with discipline.
I was introduced to Jonathon Edward’s Seventy resolutions this past week. His opening declaration is one I claim as my own.
“Being sensible that I am unable to do anything without God’s help, I do humbly entreat Him by His grace to enable me to keep these Resolutions, so far as they are agreeable to His will, for Christ’s sake.”
“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Heb. 12:11
I’m defining them this week by outlining my goals with tangeable, and intentional baby steps.
Would you care to join me?
Come on, it’s New Year’s Rebelutions time.