Sweat, Body Odor, Hormones, Drama, Peer Influence….AHHHH!
Even though I was a youth pastor to Middle School and High School Age students for years, and I geared up over and over for what it would be like when our own children hit the dreaded age of puberty, I still wasn’t quite prepared for all the varying dynamics that occur with each child. They are all so different, and have responded in varying ways, especially in terms of personal hygiene.
With our fourth child just hitting puberty, but our first girl reaching this life stage, I can’t begin to tell you the difference in not only how I address the issue of puberty, but also how I approach my parenting.
So much pressure is put on kids to “perform” these days, and their self esteem is shaped so drastically during these tween years, that we need to develop avenues that create open discussion. Encouraging their character and character qualities, instead of “what they do” or their “performance” instills a sense of worth that goes beyond winning or losing. Instead of just saying, “Great job scoring four points in your game,” which is our typical response, encourage perseverance and character building by sharing, “Great job in not giving up today, even when your team was down. It would have been easier to have a bad attitude, but you stuck with it. I’m proud of you for showing perseverance.”
How does this affect addressing the issue of changing hormones and puberty? Whether or not, we’re ready for these changes, it happens, and the lines of communication need to be open to assist in encouraging and assuring our tweens that everything is normal. Yep, with those increased hormones come noticeable differences like growth spurts and strange new odors, but it’s an exciting time, not one to be feared. We need to be ready to help them.
I can’t believe the number of tweens and teens I am around that really struggle with B.O. Parents need to step in immediately. Please, do this! Cruelly and insensitively, kids make fun of a child that smells, and that mocking can haunt a child for years. With simple steps of cleanliness, and so many amazing products on the market, there’s no need for that to happen to your child.
Earlier this year, I was spontaneously interviewed by nationally acclaimed author of Queen Bees and Wannabees, Rosiland Wiseman. Watch this video as we all share our expertise about the tricky tween years, and the challenges moms have faced ‘stopping their tweens’ stink.
Also, there are some great discussions going on at the Don’t Fret the Sweat Facebook page – as well as money saving offers and expert tips, tools and real life stories about how parents are helping their tweens become confident and self-reliant teens.
Keep your eyes open for some great coupons at Don’t Fret the Sweat Facebook Page
How have you dealt with this tricky life stage? Any advice for those still navigating the waters? If you aren’t there yet with your children, what are your biggest trepidations?
(This post sponsored by Blissfully Domestic and Unilever).
For girls, American Girl has a great book for that age group about taking care of yourself. I was very impressed with the products they put that emphasize self care, manners, etc.
I think the book Tanya is talking about is called “Taking Care of You” and it truly is an excellent book. I have given it to each of my girls for their 10th or 11th birthdays and as these issues pop up, I try to discuss it very calmly with my kids, then have them read their ‘book’ again to really help what we talked about sink in. Sometimes, they won’t take their mom’s seriously. They are too busy feeling awkward and embarrassed. But the book they can read in private. I highly recommend it as a tool to help ease your lovely tween daughters through this challenging time. =)
when i was growing up, my mom must have been in denial about me growing up bc she wouldn’t let me get deodorant. she said i didn’t need it. she also didn’t let me shave my legs or get a bra. i got VERY made fun of. i shaved my legs in secret and friends brought me bras and deodorant to put on at school. when i started my period (at 15!!!) she only let me wear pads – i had to go into her stash to get them, she wouldn’t get me my own regardless of my flow, and even though i was a high school athlete, she wouldn’t get me tampons. i got those from my friends too. these are all normal things with adolescents. do mothers REALLY think their children will be any different? it was really terrible for me. furthermore, i had an older sister so i wasn’t the first child…
i used to be a fourth grade teacher and the first time i heard the boys making fun of each other about body odor after recess, i sat my whole class down in a circle on the floor for a little pow wow. short and sweet i said, “B.O. stands for body odor and EVERY BODY gets it eventually. have you heard of deodorant before? this is what it’s for. some people start to use it earlier than others but you all will need it. you can talk to your parents about it.” they had NORMAL questions and a couple minutes later, the discussion was OVER. this is probably one of the EASIER discussions to have about puberty. if you freak out over this how are you going to talk about more serious things?? deodorant is $3 (or less/free if you cvs!) so get it, make them feel grown up, prevent them from insecurity, and get over it.
Any free samples of men’s deodorant we give to our almost 12 year old son. He carries them in his gym bag. So far he only seems to need deodorant after gym class. He also recently starting taking daily showers/baths where before it was only every other day. Our bigger issue right now, however, is that he already has a very noticeable mustache growing. His Dad offered to show him how to shave but he is refusing. Yikes!
I know this is no laughing matter, but your title still made me smile. Using deodorant is important, but even more so is good hygiene. I’ve told both my sons (the rest of my kids haven’t hit puberty yet) that it is important to shower every day (maybe even twice a day if they are doing vigorous sports) in order to stay ahead of the stink :). Also, sometimes the oiliness of puberty takes kids by surprise. With my oldest son, I actually had to give him tips about how to wash his hair when he was about 11. His hair had become thicker than when he was little, and his scalp more oily–he looked constantly like someone who never bathed. I tried to explain how to wash his hair better for weeks, but finally I told him to put on his swimming trunks. I had him get in the shower (with trunks on) and show me how he normally washed his hair. I peeked around the edge of the shower curtain, and helped correct a couple things in terms of technique, amount of shampoo used, etc. and he was back in business. He thanked me a couple days later and said, “I didn’t know this is how my hair was supposed to feel (ie clean!).” Kids need people to teach them stuff like this in a loving, matter-of-fact way. Good grooming and proper personal hygiene are skills like any others. If parents don’t act embarrassed and ashamed, neither will their kids.
My son is 4th grade and I think it’s time. Just today, after playing outside, he came in and said he was going to take a shower. The rest of us were saying “thank you!!!” He’s not stinky until he sweats. And then, oh my goodness, you don’t want to be around him. So, yeah, it’s about time to have “the talk”.
“Parents need to step in immediately. Please, do this! ”
Don’t assume the parents haven’t tried. My daughter is in 7th grade, and still puts up a fight about showering, brushing her teeth and brushing her hair. It’s a battle that I fight everyday. I sometimes hope that her peers WILL say something and then maybe she’ll get the message she refuses to hear from me.
Yes, that is so true. I have one that is the same way, and can go days and days without worrying about it, but at least then it’s out of our hands in terms of the fact that we have educated and encouraged. They know, but now it’s their choice. (Still doesn’t make it less frustrating though, does it?)
We have struggled with the stinkyness issue with our oldest, a boy. He’s very stubborn about his personal space which made it that much more difficult. However, in the last year he’s been more open to making changes. I also made sure to give him extra time to shower on the days when he went from a sports activity to another one, plus I put a lot of deodorizers in his room and I open the window whenever possible.
I’ve noticed the body odor issue making its appearance with my 7 year old. I think it’s time for Dad to revisit showering techniques!
I loved your suggestion of saying “great job not giving up when your team was down.” We’re all so caught up in the competition, I sometimes don’t know what to say after a particular beating…that is perfect!
Jen, I always love your topics! 🙂 It is so true, we need to build our kids up in ways that aren’t linked to their performance. My boys aren’t old enough for tween changes yet, but it’s coming…very soon…
In particular about stinkyness – my husband has always stunk. When we met he always wore a sweater or jacket to hide his armpits, the sweat stains were huge. His feet, especially, smelled awful! His shoes don’t last long, and the bottoms of his feet are pock-marked from the sweat. Our doctor finally (about 2 years ago) diagnosed hyper-hydrosis, and there’s a liquid medicine that goes on his pits once a month and he sleeps with it on then showers it off in the morning. Boy, has this changed how much he sweats. I can’t believe it – he’s like a different person. His hair is still oily, but at least the stains on his shirt aren’t any bigger than a normal person’s any more. Just something to watch for if you’ve got boys especially. 🙂
Thanks as usual for a great post! 🙂
I agree. We are struggling with this right now with our oldest, and he isn’t even really a “tween” yet. :/ However, I am loathe to give him deodorant, as all of it smells like a year old who is headed out to the club to pick up chicks. Or they smell like my grandfather. My 9 year old doesn’t need to smell like either of those things. I just want him to smell clean. Hopefully Unilever is reading this and listens. 😉